Reality and Sanity

June 21, 2007

A +5 Holy Avenger Ax

Filed under: Serious Guitar Playing — Paul @ 10:27 pm

There are cool guitars…then there are seriously cool axes that every guitarist wants to own.

The A +5 Holy Avenger Ax is one of the latter.

O Lord, bless this thy Angel Sword Guitar, that with it thou mayst blow Christina Aguilera and A-HA and Ricky Martin and Enrique Iglesias to tiny bits, in thy mercy. If you want it, follow these steps: first shalt thou get to eBay. Then shalt thou pay $4,500, no more, no less. $4,500 shall be the number thou shalt pay, and the number of the payment shall be $4,500. Once the number $4,500 be paid, then riffed thou thy Angel Sword Guitar towards thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it.

Built for serious shredding.

June 13, 2007

A Band For Every Continent

It seems Al Gore has fulfilled his Live Earth promise: Antarctica Cements Act for Gore’s Live Earth. (HT: Drudge)

Make sure you click the link to check out the accompanying picture…words fail me.

In an effort to fulfill his promise of a concert on every continent for his “Live Earth” event on July 7 to 8, Al Gore approached the British Antarctic Survey in February to explore the possibility of flying a band in to its Rothera Research Station in Antarctica.

No, he was told, July is mid-winter in Antarctica, and no planes or boats can get in or out.

But all was not lost. BAS officials told Gore that a band was already in place on the South Pole. BAS press representative Linda Capper told blogger Tim Slagle, “We have a house band — five of our science team. They are very good indie rock-folk fusion. The remaining 17 will be the audience on location.”

They’ve never played in front of an audience. To make matters worse, the band, named after a Greenlandic word for “summit,” will be playing outside on the ice, where temperatures could be as low as minus ten degrees Celsius. One of their colleagues will film the performance for broadcast on TV and the Internet.

I don’t even need to make jokes or snarky observations since the commenters are far more clever than I am. A sampling of my favorites:

shapiro: Just wait 2-3 years and it will be as hot as Florida in Antartica, and make the concert then. June 13, 7:40 PM

Cici: They should dress like Devo and shoot it like old-style MTV. June 13, 7:15 PM

manny: It figures, A concert about global warming and its -10c. When will they get it, the earth warms, cools, warms, cools, and thats been going on millions of years before Algore invented the thermometer! June 13, 5:55 PM

Bob Kelly: As a musician myself, it is virtually impossible to play any guitar or keyboards with gloved hands, let alone thick mittens, which leads me to believe this is a farce. Or, on the other (frostbitten) hand, they could attempt to play w/o the gloves and risk having their blued finger snap off! The drummer may be the only fella out there who has a chance to jam! June 13, 5:08 PM

Guitarist: How do you fret an E-shaped barre chord with those mongo gloves on? I sure couldn’t do it without buzzing like a bee. June 13, 4:59 PM

Steve-O: Its rather ironic that a group of scientists are planning a “concert” against global warming in an environment where their very survival depends upon….massive and continuous consumption of fossil fuels! Bunch of losers June 13, 4:15 PM

Heh.

June 1, 2006

Looking for a Vintage Archtop?

Filed under: Serious Guitar Playing — Paul @ 6:34 pm

This is the first in a line of posts dedicated to all things guitar playing. I have not received any payment for any of the products or services listed here, nor have I been asked to review or endorse such. All included in this series I have done business with at one time (or many, many more; I suffer from GASGear Acquirement Syndrome) and am simply passing on my positive experiences.

Looking for something other than a 1960’s Gibson 335 or ES-175? Like, say a 1934 Epiphone Triumph or a 1940 Vega C-56 or even a 1948 Gibson Super 300?

If you, like I am, into vintage jazz box guitars, acoustic or electric, check out Archtop.com. They will buy, sell and repair vintage archtop instruments. They also carry accessories such as modern and vintage replacement pickups, replacement pickguards (anyone who tells you they have a vintage standard-issue factory-made pickguard is lying) and hardshell cases. When I purchased a 1938 Epiphone Blackstone lacking a hardshell case from eBay, they were able to supply me with a quality case that fit the guitar perfectly.

Their website also has a complete “Care and Feeding Of Your Archtop Guitar” to maintain optimum playing shape. This, combined with their helpful service, make Archtop.com a great place to do business with…and the place to look if you want to find a 1962 Gibson Byrdland, Ted Nugent’s guitar of choice.

May 29, 2006

The Nuge Turns Yet Another Interviewer Inside Out

Betsy Newmark comments on an interview of intense, insanely-talented guitarist and Second Amendment supporter Ted Nugent. The exchanges between Ted and the writer are classic Nuge vs. pacifist, served up like fresh killed-n-grilled meat. Some of the choice cuts:

We sit down to coffee, eggs and grits. Ted is 6ft 3in; to get a sense of his general demeanour you could do worse than imagine the body of John Wayne possessed by the spirit of Ian Paisley in one of his less conciliatory moods. He launches into a fevered monologue about how much safer Britain would be with more guns on its streets.

“Never has there been such an upsurge in crime since they confiscated all your weapons. Why don’t you arm yourselves? You Limeys have a zipper that’s locked in the closed position, because you don’t have a constitution. You’re rewarded for shutting the f**k up.”

[…]

British police who don’t want to carry firearms are, Nugent says, “out of their minds. I say if somebody robs you, shoot ’em. I’d like all thieves killed. And all rapists. And carjackers. No more graffiti. No more…” – this next phrase is a Spoonerism, rather than some Texan term for gross indecency – “snatch-pursing.”

“For an unarmed force,” I suggest, “the British police have shot quite a few people. Did you hear about Jean Charles de Menezes?”

“That was horrible. An American cop would have just beat the s**t out of him.”

[…]

“This would be a far safer country without weapons, and you know it.” “And there’d be fewer drownings if we got rid of lakes. There will be accidents! Leave me alone!”

Oooooh, do we see some temptation here?

He teaches me how to shoot an AK-47, and I have to admit that firing a fully automatic machine gun at a target is fun.

On deer hunting:

“What do these deer think when they see you coming?” I ask him. “Here comes the nice guy who puts out our dinner? Or, there’s the man that shot my brother?”

“I don’t think they’re capable of either of those thoughts, you Limey a**hole. They’re only interested in three things: the best place to eat, having sex and how quickly they can run away. Much like the French.”

Describing a compliment on Ted’s playing after appearing on stage with the Lourdes to support the Supremes at Detroit’s Cobo Hall:

This was the night, Nugent recalls, when he received “the pivotal confirmation of my musical touch and my life overall. The mighty funk brother God of Thunder [Benny Benjamin, drummer for Motown house band The Funk Brothers] told me: ‘Boy, keep playing like that and you’z gonna be a n*****r when ya grows up.'”

This is vintage Nuge. In fact, his website has a collection of interviews and news clips that he displays like trophy kills. Here’s my personal favorite.

Back to the writer, who makes this interesting observation:

I’m not sure that I’ve ever met anybody whose opinions and instincts are more directly opposed to my own. And yet, in some odd way, I find Ted Nugent impossible to dislike: I think because I consider him to be a psychotic – by the classic definition that he does not perceive the world as others do.

This is why I’ve found the Nuge to be so fascinating; especially since I made the switch from liberal to conservative. He has his own worldview built on uncompromising principles that horrify elitist liberals. Such a spectacle is always entertaining for me.

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