Reality and Sanity

June 10, 2007

Katherine Heigl Is Not ‘Fat’

Filed under: Hollywood vs. America — Paul @ 8:00 am

Anytime I need a laugh, Heather and Jessica over at Go Fug Yourself always deliver. The sidebar comments say why better than I could:

“Hilarious bitches” — Defamer

“Confirming everyone’s secret conviction that women are evil bayotches whose greatest pleasure is ripping other women’s looks and fashion sense to shreds.” — LA.com

“A barbed wit that makes Cojo and Joan Rivers seem like gushing fans.” — Variety

“Fantastically bitchy… great fun, unless you are famous.” — The Guardian

How the two of them can be so original, so hilarious, so accurate in their creative bitchiness is something I can only marvel at.

Today I was checking out the latest posts mocking several actresses along with a bit of praise for one that finally wore something flattering. I read this passage in the middle of a Heather post about Katherine Heigl’s Entertainment Weekly creepy cover photo on the June 8th issue:

She’s turned into a terrific actress, for one thing, and she’s also completely adorable. To all those haters on message boards who say she’s fat just because she isn’t a twig like Ellen Pompeo, I say, A POX ON YOU. That is CRAZY TALK. We should all be so lucky as to be as “fat” as Katherine Heigl, what with her perfect curves and her pretty face and her completely NORMAL, healthy body (not to mention the fact that she’s probably still a size 4 or something, because this town is totally dysfunctional).

I usually don’t develop celebrity crushes; that being said, I’ve long considered Heigl to be one of the hottest actresses working today, because she is normal and healthy. Forty years ago, her celebrity stills would have been plastered everywhere because she would have fit the feminine ideal. Today, people consider her fat because she doesn’t disappear when she turns sideways?

I trust Heather to write well-researched posts along with the snark, but I could scarcely believe it. Utilizing a Google search with ‘Heigl’ and ‘Fat’, I had to see for myself if there was any truth to it.

There was. Oh Lord, there was.

The worst was a IMDB thread ripping her appearance in “Knocked Up.”

I’m not going to link it.

I do agree with this chick which my Google search turned up:

Why am I reading the IMDb boards for Knocked Up? First off, the post saying that Katherine Heigl’s gotten fat compared to when she was fourteen made me want to install a “Punch An Idiot” button on my laptop.A.) Women do tend to gain weight between the time they’re fourteen and their twenties. It’s called growing an ass and some breasts.
B.) I can’t remember if Katie Heigl’s a size six or a size eight, but as someone who hovers between both sizes, SHUT UP.

Check out these photos, these photos, and look at the top photo Heather posted.

Still consider her ‘fat’?

Because if you do, I will install a ‘Punch The Idiot’ button on my laptop. (Great line, trollprincess!)

June 4, 2007

Fundraising Follies

Al Franken is short of campaign cash, and is griping about the effort to raise it: Gimme More $$$$.

Oh and “because he’s having so much trouble raising money, he now wants public financing of campaigns! Starting with his, of course.”

Heh.

May 30, 2007

Writing Prompt Part II Update

Filed under: Hollywood vs. America, Idiot Box Rumenations — Paul @ 7:59 pm

I could have put in a simple update, but after reading Rachel Lucas’s post answering questions in her e-mail and comments, I felt this update needed its own separate post.

The Fourth Meme Request stated: Name an actor that would make you less likely to see a movie. Actor is what threw me; I’m old school, so if the word actress had been used, one name would have come to me instantly:

Rosie O’Donnell.

I can’t improve what Rachel had to say about Crazy Mabel:

CatScapeBarb asks: “Dear Rachel, So why don’t you tell us how you REALLY feel about Rosie O’Donnell? (sorry, almost couldn’t finish the question as I was concentrating on not throwing up at the sight of her name.)”

Dear CatScapeBarb,
Well if you must know, I hate that crazy bitch. When I see her face, I want to shoot my guns at watermelons. When I hear her voice, which is scientifically proven to be The Most Hideous Voice Ever, I wish I did not have functioning ears. She is the exemplar of all that is wrong in the world and is living proof that God, if He exists, has abandoned humanity. I think she is insane, stupid, and evil, and if I could train my dog Sunny to do ONE THING, it would be to spontaneously take a dump upon hearing the command “Rosie O’Donnell”.

It chagrins me to have to put up with her when I watch my copies of A League of Their Own and Sleepless in Seattle. I’m glad she left The View and has somewhat disappeared from sight, even though she provided the right-wing political blogs a near-endless supply of rich material.

Her own talk show became a car wreck when she advocated strict gun control one day, then showed up with a heat-packing bodyguard days later. She ran a magazine with a 133-year history into the ground within a year. (Which mag? Seen a McCall’s recently?) Crazy Mabel has the reverse Midas touch–everything she touches eventually turns to crap. Why she continues to get big, big offers to be in movies or on television defies any logical explanation.

There is no way I’d watch any movie with her in it made after 1993 (when Sleepless came out.) Bad enough I have to put up with her voice in my copy of 1999’s Tarzan (the Disney version.) Like Rachel said, she’s insane, stupid, and evil. Let me put it this way: I think the character she played in Riding the Bus with My Sister wasn’t much of a stretch. Yes, I know: that’s a vile insult to people with special needs.

Second place goes to Whoopi Goldberg. I would avoid her completely, but Gene Roddenberry ruined that notion by allowing her to pollute Star Trek: The Next Generation.

May 28, 2007

Writing Prompts, Part II

Another device for writing is the meme: a list of questions that get you thinking and writing. This one is about movies:

1. Name a movie that you have seen more than 10 times.
Most movies that I own: Raiders of the Lost Ark, Star Trek II, the first three Star Wars movies, October Sky, The Blues Brothers, Ben Hur come to mind. There’s a few more.

2. Name a movie that you’ve seen multiple times in the theater.
Short list. That would be Grease, The Blues Brothers and Raiders of the Lost Ark. Note that all of them are over 25 years old. I don’t spend much time in darkened projection rooms.

3. Name an actor that would make you more inclined to see a movie.
Harrison Ford. I’ve seen many of his movies. I would also add Matt Damon, especially if there is another Jason Bourne sequel.

4. Name an actor that would make you less likely to see a movie.
Jake Gyllenhaal. He did a good job in October Sky, but has annoyed me ever since.

5. Name a movie that you can and do quote from.
The Blues Brothers. I cannot start a road trip without at least thinking “It’s 120 miles to Chicago, we have a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it’s dark and we’re wearing sunglasses. Hit it!” or “I’ve always loved you” anytime I hear the strains of Flight of the Valkyries. Or when pleading: “There was an earthquake! A terrible flood! It wasn’t my faaaaaauuuuult!” When at a certain friend’s house, I’ll intentionally hold up an incorrect glass just so she can say, “Wrong glass, sir!” I then motion her to fill it, just like Dan Ackroyd.

Can’t play poker without quoting from the card shark swindle in Trinity is Still My Name.

Also have to mention my favorite from Return of the Jedi: “When 900 years old you reach, look as good you will not.”

If the meme was cartoon shorts or TV shows, I can quote lots of those.

6. Name a movie musical that you know all of the lyrics to all of the songs.
There used to be two: Man of La Mancha and My Fair Lady. Make that three: Oliver. I’ve long since forgotten most of them. Haven’t seen any of those in a long time.

7. Name a movie that you have been known to sing along with.
Disney’s Tarzan. Phil Collins had much to do with this.

8. Name a movie that you would recommend everyone see.
October Sky. Boy from coal-mining town overcomes impossible odds with the help of townspeople. They help him because he willing to do what it takes to lay the groundwork for his success. He sees opportunity where his friends see a “slack dump.” If the Vatican endorses it and it’s not either a religious biography or made 50 years ago, you know you have a winner.

9. Name a movie that you own.
Not already mentioned would be the Lord of the Rings trilogy, The Fugitive, The Village, Fantasia, Blade Runner and about 20 more.

10. Name an actor that launched his/her entertainment career in another medium but who has surprised you with his/her acting chops.
Female: Kim Basinger. Nobody seems to remember that she started out as a model for Cover Girl cosmetics. Now she has an Oscar.
Male: Gotta be Will Smith. I remember him rapping as The Fresh Prince long before the Bel-Air show ever aired. I could put Kris Kristofferson here, but he already had several movies under his belt by the time I learned he was also a recording artist.

11. Have you ever seen a movie in a drive-in? If so, what?
Yes, I have. Unfortunately for this meme, all of them were so atrociously bad that time has mercifully wiped them from my memory.

12. Ever made out in a movie?
No. By the time I had my first serious girlfriend (or even somewhat of a girlfriend) I didn’t need a movie theater for a necking spot.

13. Name a movie that you keep meaning to see but just haven’t yet gotten around to it. The director’s cut of Blade Runner. I saw the original in the theater–once–have the DVD ready to go–still haven’t removed the plastic.

14. Ever walked out of a movie?
No. If it’s that bad, I’ll Mystery Science Theater 3000 it.

15. Name a movie that made you cry in the theater.
The Passion of the Christ.

16. Popcorn?
Yes, except for The Passion of the Christ. I felt it would be disrespectful to be mucnching on popcorn while Jesus is going through several illegal trials and getting the stuffing beaten out of him.

17. How often do you go to the movies (as opposed to renting them or watching them at home)?
Rarely. Too expensive and crowded.

18. What’s the last movie you saw in the theater?
Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith

19. What’s your favorite/preferred genre of movie?
I’m a guy. Action. Preferably when the antagonist is a real scumbag and dies horribly in the end at the hands of the protagonist. Cobra–a crappy movie otherwise–is the gold standard.

20. What’s the first movie you remember seeing in the theater?
A Boy Named Charlie Brown

21. What movie do you wish you had never seen?
There isn’t a movie that I’d wished I’d never seen, but there is a movie I vowed to never see: Jaws. PBS once ran the clip of Quint getting chomped while the movie was still in theaters, and I swore that day I would never see that film. That clip scared the shit out of me. That vow is still intact, even though I could easily handle that scene today. The book and that movie have blackened the reputation of sharks. Even Peter Benchley has expressed regret for ever writing the story.

22. What is the weirdest movie you enjoyed?
Dr. Strangelove. I got the humor, but it is still weird to me.

23. What is the scariest movie you’ve seen?
I don’t watch scary movies as a rule. But I vote for anything by Alfred Hitchcock. He was a master at making you feel helpless with ordinary surroundings and objects.

24. What is the funniest movie you’ve seen?
Gay Purree, a full-length animated movie by Loony Tunes’ Chuck Jones, with the voices of Judy Garland, Robert Goulet and Red Buttons. There’s cartoon-style action for the guys and well-done songs and scenery for the gals. There’s also a scene in this movie that makes tears come from my eyes I laugh so hard. I can’t even describe it without laughing. It made me almost choke when I first saw it as a kid, and it still kills me 35 years later.

June 30, 2006

What Can Energize Box Office Numbers?

Filed under: Hollywood vs. America — Paul @ 8:29 am

According to Hollywood director James Cameron, it’s movies in 3-D.

No, this is not a joke:

ONE of Hollywood’s leading directors called yesterday on studios, film-makers and distributors to wake up to the role that 3-D films can play in winning back audiences.

James Cameron, who was showered with Oscars for Titanic and who is directing a science-fiction 3-D film for 20th Century Fox, said that the technology enables cinemas to offer something that home entertainment cannot.

“I want to inspire people to come back to cinemas with an experience they can only have there,” he said. “Theatre owners, exhibitors and distributors should work to bring a sense of showmanship back to the cinema experience. Cinemagoing won’t go away, but it can get eroded. This is a wake-up call. Are we just going to lie down and let change roll over us, or do something about it?”

I got a better idea. I suggest you make movies people actually want to see.

Instead of making cute PC morality sermons or post-modernist debauchery, how about making movies that give people hope and entertain? There’s a reason classic movies have become cash cows.

How clueless can a guy be about his market?

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